Author: Ethan Millstone

Melech aza #2461

Special points of interest:
Melech is the best
Give caps money to Jonah
Chapter Kallah was Great
“I’m Sopher so shit the fuck up”
We were the best at intake night
Poems...BBG’s like dem poems

Inside this issue

LANG	1
MILLSTONE	1
CHIEF	2
BEINART	3
STEINBERG	3
ALTER	3
DOME	4
HAIKUS	5
GROSS	6

Mohel Minute-11/24/14

November 2014

October 2014

THIS JUST IN-MELECH IS AWESOME

A Poem about Melech:
Melech
What can I say
We’re everyone’s bae.
When it comes to Standup
We could probably use a pick me up
We love to goof off
But sometimes we just need to shut off.
In Melech, we can have fun
But it doesn’t mean we always have to be bums.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else calls us
Because we’re the Kings and they’ll be left under a bus.
WE ARE THE KINGS
But even with such a ring,
We sometimes need to bring
Our loud demeanor down a notch
Before we get a swift kick in the crotch.-LANG

There are many words that we can use to describe Melech. I have one message for you. No matter what word you choose, Melech is how you make it. If you choose to make it fun, it will be fun. If you choose to make it serious, it will be serious. If you choose to make it both, it will be both. Your abilities are endless. All you have to do is be motivated and driven and your opportunities in Melech are endless. We truly are the greatest chapter ever, however it starts with you guys; the members. Now let’s go out and kick some ass this year and show everyone that we mean business. –LANG

WORDS ON FRONT PAGE THAT ARE OVERSHADOWED BY ARTICLE ABOVE– Ethan Millstone

This is the second article. Most of you will not read this, but instead skim it and flip to the other pages. Or you will be interested by the clever headline. Either way, you’re just reading your own thoughts. I’ll bet you didn’t know I wrote this last minute. Now you do. Does it matter? Absolutely not.
Here’s the second paragraph, and still I have not come to a definite point of what in the sam hill this article is about. Not a reflection of the awesome things we did last month, not about rush night, nor kallah, nor intake night. OH! I’m sorry I could not publish the mohel minute any sooner, so next time it will get out quickly, but chances are none of you just read that. And only some of you will actually look to see if this article... CONTINUES ON PAGE 5

Manly
Exquisite
Loud
Exciting
Creators
Hilarious-LANG

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7th grade persuasive speech-Chief

People that seek restitution are not as interested in receiving money as they are in hearing the nations’ leaders apologize.
During World War II, many Europeans and Japanese Americans were imprisoned in concentration, death, and internment camps. They were forced from their homes and could bring very few of their possessions with them. In the camps, they lived in barracks and were fed just enough food to survive on. Restitution, or compensation, should not be given to victims of war.
The U.S. government was too deeply in debt at that time to even consider paying restitution to Japanese Americans. According to the New York Times, the national deficit at the end of April in 1937 was almost $35 billion dollars. The U.S. deficit has not lessened since then. In fact, quite the opposite happened. The deficit continually increased as shown on this graph. Even if the government were only to spend $100 on each person, there were approximately 110,000 Japanese American prisoners. The U.S. government would have to spend around 11,000,000 million on restitution and that is money they just didn’t and still don’t have in their budget.
In addition to not having enough money, it would also be nearly impossible to find the families of the 11,000,000 people (Jews and non-Jews) that died in the holocaust. All of those families would need restitution and if even a handful of them did not receive it, millions of dollars worth of lawsuits would have to be handled at the risk of losing them and owing even more money.
The Europeans and Japanese Americans were not the only ones that were subjected to inhumane atrocities, yet they would be some of the only ones to receive restitution for what was done to them. If they were given restitution, then the millions of African Americans and other races that were severely ill-treated would sue the government until they had every cent that they felt they deserved. Since African Americans were whipped and tortured and worked as much as Holocaust victims, they could probably win the money. So if the government gave restitution to Holocaust victims and Japanese Americans, then they would have to give it African Americans as well. This then goes back to the fact that the U.S. government simply couldn’t afford it.
Some people believe that restitution should be given to victims of war. One of the reasons that they think this is because they say that Japanese Americans were imprisoned unfairly. Although they may have been imprisoned unfairly, they were not subjected to any real atrocities. They were not forced to work and they were given their own living space , like the houses in the picture. In fact, Japanese Americans were hardly imprisoned at all; they were merely relocated to a location that was deemed more appropriate by the U.S. government. For example, this beautiful California mountain range.
Other people who think victims of war should receive restitution say that if the Native Americans received restitution, then why shouldn’t all victims of war? The Native Americans are a special case because they were not just killed; their land was stolen as well. Another reason the Native Americans are an unusual case is that the restitution they were given was in the form of land not money, the value of which isn’t affected by the amount of debt the U.S. is in.
In conclusion it is clear that victims of war should not receive restitution in any form. The government can’t afford it, it would be unfair for previous war victims that didn’t receive restitution, and it would be impossible to track down even a fraction of the people whose families were killed in the Holocaust. Although some people may see it as unfair, the government just doesn’t have the means, the money, or the motive to give restitution to victims of war.

Melech AZA #2461

Mohel Minute-11/24/14

November 2014

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WHY IS HE WRITING THIS?

Why I am I writing this story…. Absolutely NO REASON. Well believe it or not, most things are made for no reason. If you look at most movies, there is no reason for doing most of these things. Why do people actually listen to Sam Goldberg? No reason. Why do some people decide that the volume has to be an even number? No reason. Why do we take the blue ball over the red ball? No real reason. We make these decisions without even realizing it, without even thinking about why we make these decisions. There may seem to be a legitimate reason for all of this but in reality there is not. Is the blue ball better than the red ball in any way? Probably not. Does that song on the radio sound better at an even number volume like 24 instead of 23? Most likely not. The little things we choose to do each day may seem to be done for absolutely no reason, but when you take the time to think about it, each little thing, each little step you take during the day will amount to something. It defines who we are as a person, even if not by much. There may not always be a reason for doing something but there will be a conclusion to everything you do. The next time you go through your daily routine, just look at the little things that you do during the day and try to think about why you do these things. There most likely is not a reason for doing that but just think about why doing the task that way is more beneficial to YOU. Now let me ask you, why do you think I am telling you all of this? Have you learned anything? Probably not but you may start looking at things a little differently from now on. I’ll tell you why I’m writing this, for absolutely NO REASON.-Brandon Alter

Why buy the iPhone?-Ethan Steinberg(The Onion)

The ancient symbol used to express a question or doubt.

Apple fans desperate to buy the iPhone 6 on the first day of its release later this month are paying line holders hundreds of dollars to wait outside Apple stores and hold their spots. What do you think?

“I care less about the convenience and more about watching a dehydrated, tired man give me the iPhone he just debased himself for.”
Barry Geist – Petroleum Engineer

“It may be expensive, but it’s worth it to be one of the first several million people to own an iPhone 6.”
Melissa Haywater – Can Recycle

“Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone pooled their money together to hire one really trustworthy guy?”
Nick Russell – Systems Analyst

THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL TO TRAP MESSIAH, MORE DETAILS TO FOLLOW-The Man Himself

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BBYO DOES NOT CONDONE THE USE OF:

Money, Sex, and Drugs. When most people here these three words back to back they think of one specific genre of music, hip-hop. For those of you who need a refresher hip-hop is a style of popular music of US black and Hispanic origin, featuring rap with an electronic backing. With that being said get ready to hear how the hip-hop culture is viewed today and my personal opinion to money, sex, and drugs.
With new hip hop groups forming and sparking across the nation such as odd future, G-unit, and T.D.E it is fair to say that rap is alive and well. however this music that is alive and well is probably not the rap which you hear on the radio. If you are reading this and don’t know who Ab-Soul, Jay Electronica, or Big Krit is don’t feel bad you are not alone. The majority of the world doesn’t. However do you know Soulja Boy, Nikki Minaj, or Lil Wayne…? Of course you do. These label signed artists are shoved down the public's throat and often lead many people astray and afraid to dig deeper into the realm which is hip hop.
The watered down chorus’ and constant use of unnecessary obscenity is what makes so many default hip-hop to just Money, Sex, and Drugs. Although I will admit this is a strong aspect of the culture there are many artists out there with real lyricism and stories to tell.
Kendrick Lamar, member of T.D.E, has a class at a college taught revolving around his most recently released album Good Kid mA.A.d City. Rap truly is poetry and it is ignorant to judge the genre based upon what is mainstream. REAL themes of hip hop include Depression, Religion, and higher existential thought. Not to say that all other music is not “deep”, but REAL hip-hop has more to it than most music.
My opinion on money is that it is no way to measure true happiness. Happiness comes from experience, family, and relationships with others. Although many may say that experience requires money that may be true to some extent, but you are really just being a dick and taking me way too literally.
My opinion on sex is that it feels good and do it at your own pace. You are ready when you are ready.
My opinion on drugs is that BBYO does not condone and come talk to me if you wanna talk.
With that being said I forever Remain
Lauren Dome

#Mohel Minute

Mohel Minute-11/24/14

November 2014

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Those Haikus that some of you did that one time.

Jared Spiegel:
Melech, kings of Swag
We snip it on the tip, yo
Melech: Snip snip it!
Boris Derechin:
Put that thing away!
There are children here, and it's
Not that impressive.
Stephen Tonelson:
I enjoy Melech
Other chapters I dislike
Actually...HATE
Nicolas Berlinski:
I am hungry now
I want to eat good food now,
Because I am hungry
Boris Derechin:
Put that thing away!
There are children here!...And it's
Not that impressive
Michael Kolodin:
Melech is my life.
Everybody loves Melech
because it's awesome.
Ethan Steinberg:
Verizon Iphone
Came out today. I still think
Android is the best.
Jordan Pinsky:
My name is Jordan
I am Melech's advisor
I need (more) new friends
Derrick Daoust:
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.
Chief:
I have too much swag.
It just can't be contained, man.
Oh shit, I just came.
Josh Portnoy:
The round of applause
That you wouldn't really want
Contracting "the clap".
Nathan Kaplan:
A Haiku for Melech:
Yes yes yes yes yes
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
Yes yes yes yes yes.
A Haiku for other chapters:
No no no no no,
No no no no no no no
No no no no no.
Jared Goldstein:
Space is Limited
In a Haiku. So it’s hard
To finish what you
AND
(To the tune of F*** You by Cee lo Green)
I see you Drivin’
Round town with the girl I love
And I’m like “Haiku”

“There is supposed to be a quote here. Oh well”

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GIZBOR MAKES IT RAIN (WELL, NOT REALLY) FINANCIAL UPDATE

The question has been asked how much will we have to pay for the Property Damage. The world may never know?! but hey after countless dumps taken and Mr. Koloden Working them triceps to unclog the toilet, even after many holes being made all the way from the ground to a fire place to movie theater chairs and even Peoples hearts after elections the cost- Priceless, just like the shirts we got! So after hearing all this i thought to my self... why am i running for gizbor?!? many questions went un answered for example, Where did those wine glasses go?, how many 7-11 runs where made? and Where was Jeremy Etelson?. many of these will never be answered. But in conclusion Chapter Convention will be at Michael's house this summer as well! To close, I can only offer:
Top 5 Hardest positions in melech 5.) Advisors- Ally/ Jordan 4.)Bizzatch- Stephen Tonelson 3.) Godol- Jared Goldstein 2.) S'gan- Josh Portnoy 1.) Recording Chair- Brandon Alter

Mohel Minute2k14

Mohel Minute-11/24/14